Saturday, May 12, 2007

"A Life Adrift"

I had a Jackpot! conversation the other day.

Last Monday evening, after completing my thesis, getting an A on it, hearing that I will retain my full-tuition scholarship next semester, and learning that I am exempt from two final exams, I went home in a great mood. There is an interesting group of guys who live right next door to me, and they saw my kitchen light on and invited me to come over and hang out. I got to spend a few relaxing hours celebrating with these strange, fun guys. When I finally left, one of these cool dudes, A., walked me home. We ended up sitting on my couch until the wee hours of the morning, talking.

Unfortunately, due to my stupidly busy schedule and crappy school, I don't have many oportunities to have "real" conversations. Dialogue which is not driven by topics and subjects, rather guided and flowing through senses and resonances. Like currents in a river. They say that conversation is an art -- not my conversation with A.. This wasn't art, this was messy. This was all over the place, coloring outside the lines, stripes and polka dots. It was great! No restraints, no chains, no expectations. No rules. Just conversation. Whatever needed to be said was said, with no need for censorship or masks. It was . . . natural. Honest. Relaxing.

A. said something which struck me. I don't remember the context, probably because our conversation was all over the place and free, but I remember he said, "A life adrift." A life . . . adrift. "Adrift" has negative connotations, but I suddenly saw it differently. Not directionless, not stagnant, not dead in the water, not aimless. No, this state of being Adrift is good. There is motion, there is momentum, there is progress and scenery and adventures. There is curiosity and risks and pay-off. With a simple phrase, A. unhinged something in me. Life really is like being adrift. A piece of driftwood, floating along, being guided gently by the currents of the river.

At this point in my life, i am looking at grad schools to apply to. I am looking at new jobs closer to home and with better pay. I am single, not necessarily looking for someone but not adverse to the possibility. There are a lot of . . . things going on. I think that i will no longer allow it to be overwhelming. What's the point of life if it's so overwhelming that you can't enjoy it, can't even really experience it without being afraid? I am Adrift, and that's ok. I'll let the currents guide me. I can practically see God, chillin' in the clouds, blowing this way or that to stir up some currents and waves, to move a little piece of driftwood . . . red-headed driftwood :)


Blogger Hope said...

sounds good to me!

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love this...especially that stuff about real conversations and not wearing masks.

I'm trying to teach myself to be more like this. Maybe I'll learn from you. :-) (You've already taught me a lot...whether you realize it or not.) When you see me not working on it or being like my same old self...feel free to give me a slight nudge...or a punch. Whichever is needed! I could use it!

4:44 PM  

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