Monday, February 05, 2007


I got a shocking letter in the mail the other day! Apparently, TJX Companies, who does work for stores like Marshalls, Bobs, TJ Maxx, etc., found out that someone has been stealing credit/debit card info from their computer system. And my bank kindly sent me a letter to let me know that my debit card was one of the ones stolen.
Someone out there has my name, debit card (and, mind you, checking account) number, expiration date, and the little 3-digit code on the back. I got chills down my spine when I first realized that.
So, I guess a little part of my identity has been stolen. Not all, really. I mean, they don't have my birthday or address or social security number, though if it was that simple to get the info they already have, it must not be too hard to find out the rest. But a little part of my identity has been stolen.

Therefore, I have decided to make up the identity of my identity stealer. I have decided that he is a guy, white, in his late-twenties. He wears glasses. He's average height, average build, maybe a little on the skinny side. Dark, boring hair. He has to wear a suit to work, but like a cheap JC Penny's suit, nothing too fancy. He drives a boring car, rents a boring apartment in a city. He has a male roommate who drives him crazy. He grew up in some suburban neighborhood, stay-at-home mom, no siblings. Lots of video games. He has a strange, hidden sense of entitlement, like he deserves everything he wants and should get it all, probably because he was spoiled as a kid. The problem is, he's lazy. Entitled, but lazy. He wants it all, money and power and all that jazz, but he's too lazy to work for it.

So he steals people's information, maybe just because he can, and realizes that he gets some kind of rush from it. He was like, WHAT? FREE MONEY??? JACKPOT!!!!!!! So he finds a way to get into TJX Company's system and steal lots and lots of people's info, and sells them to the highest bidders.

So now, he has some great money, so he moves out and gets a nicer place. A nicer car. Some nicer suits. Maybe a better haircut. But soon, soon, he will realize that stolen money isn't all that great. He's still a lonely, lazy white guy who played video games and probably still has a boring haircut.


Blogger PJ said...

That's okay. Mine is a skinny, scrawny Thai kid who thinks that buying $300 worth of hair products and a membership to an online dating service is cool!!

4:36 PM  

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