Jackpot!

Pumpkin carving!

2008-10-26T23:42:00.006-04:00

I bought four GIANT pumpkins, two bottles of wine, and a carving kit. Sybil (housemate) and i carved two pumpkins last night, i carved a third tonight. I love the smell of pumpkins, and the pumpkin seeds we roasted last night were delicious!
I did this cat last night... poor kitty seems to have lost an ear, and an eye...

Sybil's Jazz and Boos - cute singing ghosts with bowties!

My 2nd pumpkin - haunted house with bats and clouds and a moon and stuff.

moving...

2008-09-06T21:43:00.008-04:00

So, the past 2 weeks have been pretty busy... I packed up my old apartment in middletown (it's amazing how much CRAP had accumulated over the past four years!!) and moved to Boston on august 31st.

This being my first big move by myself with lots of stuff (moving out of my parent's place at 17, i didn't have many "things" and was only in my first apartment in meriden for a few months, so this was the first big move with boxes and stuff) i took some random pictures...

Poor Kitty will miss her boyfriend, George, the kitty who lived in my landlord's apartment next door. They used to meow at each other through the windows...

This is moving day -- my new bedroom, on the 3rd floor of a big 7-bedroom house, with two windows for Kitty. I have since unpacked and it looks much nicer and cleaner, but you'll have to come visit me in boston if you want to see the final product...

Anyway, i'm almost a week into my newest adventure. Grad school classes started last week, my internship starts next week. I had a great job interview today for a position as a medical assistant, will hopefully get the official offer on monday and start on tuesday. My housemates are really friendly and easy-going, especially the other girl on the 3rd floor with me, Sybil, who is also starting the Boston College grad school of social work program -- we don't have any classes together, but the sw program has had some social-y events which we've been attending, good fun! I definitely like boston, but all the changes have been rough -- new home, new city, new school, new housemates, new internship, new job, new everything... It's all good and fun, but change is always rocky. But i think i've been doing pretty well, keeping busy, meeting new friends at school, getting to know the area, etc. My poor Kitty has had a harder time, though -- she spent the first two days hiding in my bed, either under my pillows or burrowed deep into my comforter... but she's been doing much better the past few days, coming out when i'm in the room, playing and purring and being cute.

WOW it's been a long time, and a lot has happened...

2008-08-20T01:22:00.018-04:00

So, since last time, here's the quick update:
I have a signed a lease and am moving on september 1st to a room in a 3 floor 7 bedroom house, with my kitty, in Brighton. I also have an internship with Volunteers of America at a women's substance abuse rehab program - i'll be a clinician, running groups and doing individual counselling sessions with my own client caseload. I'm excited, and terrified, at the same time. My experience working in New Haven at the crisis/respite house will come in handy at this place, but i will have a lot more responsibility and involvement than i've had before... So i'm thinking of it like a healthy skills-growing challenge. I'll break out of my experience vise next year, get an intership somewhere i have zero experience or training...

Also, my favorite part, i went to Ireland for 10 days in august, just got back last thursday! It was a really life changing experience -- of course i spent days walking around Ireland with the rolling green hills spotted with cows and sheep, the looming, mysterious mountains shrouded by mist, watching the waves crashing against rocky beaches in breezy violence, enjoying the warm company of various friendly locals and fellow travelers...

Yes, it was all of this, but the trip also had many hiccups, like when two different hostels "lost" my reservation and had no more beds available and no more in that whole town so i had to change plans and pick a random nearby town out of my rough guide based solely on whether i could find a bed or couch for that night.

And when i then needed to leave town, there were no buses or even taxis to take me to the next town, and i was walking down the road with my 80 lb backpack and it started to rain so i pulled out my cell phone to call the nearest town's taxi service no matter the cost, but my cell phone wouldn't complete a single call even though it had full reception, so i had no choice but to suck in my fear and stick out my thumb and pretend i wasn't actually hitchiking for the first time in my life, in a foreign country, in the rain.

There were a lot of stinky socks, a lot of packing and unpacking and repacking and then forgetting that i needed that one last thing at the very bottom of the bag, and a lot of stopping random people everywhere for directions and advice. I learned a lot about myself - my capabilities, limitations, weaknesses and strengths.

I learned that i can talk myself into being in a good mood and pushing worrisome thoughts into the back of my mind just by saying "i'm in Ireland, i'm not complaining about ANYthing!"

I also learned that i seem to be developing some sort of fear of heights, or general anxiety around heights. There were at least three distinct occasions where I was climbing up something particularly high and unsteady and i had such overwhelming physical anxiety that i had to stop, and twice actually started climbing back down, before i said to myself "you are in Ireland, don't wimp out, you'll regret it" and forced myself all the way to the top, before scrambling back down. This, i think, is new.

But most importantly, this trip gave me a sense of accomplishment -- i finally went on the trip i've been dreaming of forever, which was possible because i've worked hard for the past four years to support myself, save up, and finish my undergraduate degree, and on this dream trip i proved to be self-sufficient, flexible, and competent enough, in the end. This kind of makes me feel like, oh ok, i actually can handle life.

Anyway, the pictures are all on facebook, you do not need an account or anything to see them, just click on the link and double click on the first picture, and the commentary is on the bottom.
Ireland trip (CONDENSED) album 1 of 2: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006109&l=85ec1&id=1248110887
Ireland trip (CONDENSED) album 2 of 2: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006164&l=110bd&id=1248110887

And in case you are like me and just can't seem to get enough looking at pictures of beautiful Irish landscape, there are like 600 pictures altogether, which can also be accessed through the 10 album series on facebook.
Ireland (COMPLETE) album 1: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2005991&l=0b8ba&id=1248110887
Ireland (COMPLETE) album 2: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006022&l=ef9d2&id=1248110887
Ireland (COMPLETE) album 3: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006025&l=325bf&id=1248110887
Ireland (COMPLETE) album 4: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006027&l=ce7a0&id=1248110887
Ireland (COMPLETE) album 5: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006028&l=c1143&id=1248110887
Ireland (COMPLETE) album 6: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006029&l=27c20&id=1248110887
Ireland (COMPLETE) album 7: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006030&l=eb1cf&id=1248110887
Ireland (COMPLETE) album 8: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006031&l=8aba2&id=1248110887
Ireland (COMPLETE) album 9: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006032&l=b1003&id=1248110887
Ireland (COMPLETE) album 10: http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006033&l=4b425&id=1248110887

Enjoy the pics, lemme know what you think!!

boo for tonsils

2008-04-25T23:46:00.003-04:00

Ok, so my body decided to rebell against me, and now i have tonsilitis. Luckily, the doc says surgery won't be necessary, and i should be back to normal in 4-10 days.
This has meant lots of time sitting on my couch, reading books for school.

Here's the big update: I GOT ACCEPTED TO BOSTON COLLEGE GRAD SCHOOL OF SOCIAL WORK and will be moving there in aug/sep! I am super excited about this. I'm graduating in like 3 weeks, then have to write a philosophy thesis by july 1st, then going to ireland for 2 weeks, then looking for a new job and place in the boston area. So, there's a lot of good stuff going on, enough that i'm able to ignore this tonsilitis crap and just try to enjoy these few days off of classes and work.

Actually, it's funny, because a few posts ago i was all freaking out about my future - which grad program to apply to, what direction my future should go in, etc. But i'm definitely starting to figure out all that crap. I now know that the next 2 years will be in boston, and then my future is open and free. And that's cool.

Anyway, i'm sick and it's cold outside, so i'm going to end this post. But expect a more detailed Jackpot post soon!
Peace out my homies-

meagins fresh stuff

2008-03-18T16:41:00.007-04:00

Well, i have been pretty busy, starting my new "business":

Meagin's Fresh Granola

(a Meagin's Fresh Stuff production)

Months of endless, creative experimenting with granola ingredients has turned into a little business opportunity. I am hoping that i will be mildly successful, selling homemade granola to family and friends, students and professors at school, coworkers, etc. I sold my first pint of granola last week while i was at my favorite cafe - one of the other customers overheard me talking about my homemade granola, and ordered a jar! I think that the big selling point is all the fun ingredients i use (cranberries, walnuts, dried cherries, dried apricots, maple syrup, almonds, pecans, macadamia nuts, honey, dried plums, dried peaches, hazelnuts, brown sugar, banana chips, orange-flavored cranberries, vanilla extract, coconut . . . etc).

So anyway, the past month or so has been a frenzy of buying and trying new ingredients, stocking up on quart and pint jars, typing up menu proto-types, coming up with fun names for granola recipes, ...and washing lots of granola-cemented cookie sheets, sweeping up the oats on my kitchen floor twice a day, getting really creative with my counter space, etc.

I got a new email address for Fresh Granola orders - meaginsfreshstuff@hotmail.com. I created an excel spreadsheet with the cost of every ingredient i've used, so i can calculate how much each batch i make costs out of pocket. I'm in conversation with two dear friends who run a graphic design/web design company (www.triplefrog.com) about designing a cool, fresh-looking granola menu, business cards, even a website where i can sell other Fresh Stuff (like cool magnets, giant floor pillows, beverage coasters, etc) and maybe even post my old poetry and essays.

Anyway, this is the most "creative" thing i've ever done! I have always been frustrated by the fact that i definitely have a desire to be artistic, but i have zero artistic skills (can't draw, sketch, paint, sculpt, etc). Well, this whole Meagin's Fresh Stuff is giving my lots of opportunities to be creative. I even started playing around with GIMP (graphics and image manipulation - an open-source version of adobe photoshop). I created this little thing last night:

not too shabby, considering it was my first time ever using a computer graphics program, right?

So, anyway,if you need any homemade granola . . . you know where to go.

caught in a kakfa-like hell

2008-03-03T01:50:00.001-05:00

so, every new state employee working hazardous duty are offered a certain blood test to measure the strength of your body's immunity to hepatitis b. i know i had all my shots, but i figured there was no harm in just checking to make sure i was fully immune. the state of connecticut pays for the test, i get reassured that i'm fully immune, this is a win-win. so i went to the middlesex hospital outpatient center, along with about 23 other new employees, and had blood drawn for this test. July 2, 2007. i then promptly forgot about the whole thing.

august 2, 2007, i got the first bill.
what? quest diagnostics was billing *me* for $84.42 for the test. that's when i realized that i hadn't actually received the results of the damn test. so i call up my HR lady and explained the situation. she made a few phone calls, and a few days later i get the results in my mailbox. so i figure, ok, everything is settled.

september 1, 2007
"IMPORTANT NOTICE: SECOND NOTICE -- PLEASE SEND YOUR CHECK TODAY FOR THE BALANCE SHOWN ON THIS STATEMENT."
Wait a minute, that situation was all fixed. i got the results, my hr lady called quest to change the billing. ...right? well, i call up quest diagnostics -- yeah, you billed me but you shouldn't, here is the number of my human resources lady, she will tell you for certain that i shouldn't be getting the bill. "ok, i'm fixing it on the computer right now, yes it's officially fixed, you're all set."

november 20, 2007
"IMPORTANT NOTICE:
We have billed insurance but have received no response for the claim. Quest diagnostics must now look to you for payment."
But . . . it was fixed. i heard nothing in october.
i call up quest again, and i'm starting to get nervous and flustered. quest diagnostic is now trying to tell me that the "orders" for the test identified *me* as the person to bill, so i needed to call the people who ordered the test. so i call middlesex hospital outpatient center, explain the situation, and the receptionist apologized, she'll take care of that right away. i call up quest to confirm, but get a different person on the line, who can't seem to understand the concept of billing the state of connecticut, he keeps asking me, "so, who do you say is responsible for this bill?" i'm exhausted. "look, i was hired as an employee of the State of Connecticut, by the Department of Children and Families, as a children's services worker at the Riverview Psychiatric Hospital for Children and Youth. Bill the state, bill dcf, bill riverview hospital. if i give you my hr lady's name, you can bill her personally, if you need a name. just not my name. this is not my account, not my debt, not my responsibility."

december 20, 2007
"IMPORTANT NOTICE:
SECOND NOTICE -- PLEASE SEND YOUR CHECK TODAY."
I just don't even know what t do anymore. i call middlesex hospital again, almost in tears. the lady said that the file had been closed out -- the last note made in it was that a telephone call had been made to quest diagnostics in late november. so i call quest again. this particular customer service rep just doesn't seem to understand the concept of billing the state of connecticut, he keeps asking me, "so, who do you say is responsible for this bill?" i'm exhausted. "look, i was hired as an employee of the State of Connecticut, by the Department of Children and Families, as a children's services worker at the Riverview Psychiatric Hospital for Children and Youth. Bill the state, bill dcf, bill riverview hospital. if i give you my hr lady's name, you can bill her personally, if you need a name. just not my name. this is not my account, not my debt, not my responsibility."

january 19, 2008
THIRD NOTICE
*****THIRD NOTICE*****
THIS IS ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO PAY THIS BILL BEFORE COLLECTION ACTION IS NECESSARY.
PLEASE SEND YOUR CHECK TODAY.
...oh my god, am i in wonderland? didn't this all get FIXED?!?!? ...this is when i start to think about conspiracy theories, kafka hells. i call up the middlesex hospital outpatient center again. "you didn't change it! you didn't call them! you don't understand, this situation is really stressing me out, i feel like crying right now, i just don't know what to do." she tells me to call quest. quest tells me to call my insurance company, see if that would cover it. i leave a message with someone at anthem, and then forget about it, never get called back.

february 25, 2008
THIRD NOTICE -- PLEASE SEND YOUR CHECK TODAY FOR THE BALANCE SHOWN ON THIS STATEMENT OR CALL OUR CUSTOMER SERVICE DEPARTMENT.
i'm starting to think that there is some nasty evil stuff coming at me. a week before i got this one in the mail, i got a call from my credit card company, telling me that someone had stolen my credit card and taken it to italy, and charged over 5,000 bucks. THAT was a scary moment. then i get this notice from quest. i'm starting to get worried. how long before they start chopping off my fingers?

So, i'm making the phone calls tomorrow. calling quest, middlesex hospital, anthem, my hr lady, all of them. i wanna get them all on a conference call. because this whole situation is stressing me out to an unhealthy degree. i actually feel sick about it.

...wish me luck

it's official . . .

2008-01-30T00:37:00.000-05:00

. . . i'm coming to an intersection in my life, and i have some pretty intense decisions to make about my future.
Here are the facts:
1. I will “walk” at graduation in may, but missing 2 credits in psychology and 2 credits in phys ed. I can, theoretically, finish those in the first 5-6 weeks after graduation, and be done.
2. I would like to go to grad school in the fall, either in an MSW program, or some philosophy program.
3. I want to be a Philosophical Practitioner (kinda like a therapist who doesn't ask endless questions about your childhood, but rather helps you figure out your own philosophical ideas and how they influence your life. Read this article. Keep in mind it was written 10 years ago, so the practice has grown both in the states and in europe.)
4. If i go philosophy, i will most likely need to somehow have another year or maybe two of exposure to undergrad-level philosophical study, either by continuing at Central, or auditing classes elsewhere, or matriculating as an undergrad elsewhere.
5. However, i am academically prepared for an MSW program, and would probably have a decent chance of getting into a good program and completing it in 2-3 years.
6. But getting an MSW means that i cannot go on to be a certified philosophical practitioner, unless i decide to then go on for another 4-6 years of PhD work.
7. But, it might also be possible to get an MSW, do some private practice work, and slowly develop my own philosophical practice, my own philosophies about practice. If it goes well, i could even join, or found, some kind of organization, or develop a licensing curriculum so it could become official and stuff.
8. But this direction would involve more ambition and self-motivation.

...phew. I'm actually seriously considering making an appointment with Lou Marinoff, the philosophical practitioner in new york, and seeing what his response to my situation is.

(tentative) artistic endeavors...

2008-01-17T00:24:00.000-05:00

So, the winter has proven to be the start of some kind of artistic revolution for me. Lots of different, hands-on projects, which is new to me. In general, I have ZERO artistic talent or skill. Can't draw, paint, etc. But, i have slowly been letting myself try an easy grade of "artsy craftsy" stuff.

It started with the revival of my paper-snowflake making. I actually get to do this at work a lot, with the kids locked up in the psych hospital during holidays and the lonely winter. We make paper snowflakes and hang them on the windows around the place.

Next came the granola. I don't have any pictures of this project... in action, but it was quite a scene. I made batch after batch of granola, for 5-8 hours straight, just in my kitchen, baking and baking :) I got empty canning jars and loaded 'em up, and passed them on to people who ...needed some homemade granola?

...And now, the magnets! As some of you may have heard, i am now making the coolest refrigerator magnets EVER. I actually stole this idea directly from my brilliant genius art-smart darling friend, Heather http://thepiggyback.blogspot.com/. It's kinda easy, i guess: i cut out cool card stock design stuff i have, glue it onto a little glass thing, and glue a magnet on the back.

But it's weird to be looking at a whole, cehsive picture on a piece of paper in front of you, and then hold this tiny little glass circle up to it, and then try to decide which designs look the best under this little mini-magnifying glass. I probably spend more time deciding the exact, precise circle of paper to cut around, than I do cutting and gluing it to the glass, and then measuring, cutting, and gluing the magnet stuff onto it. . . It's quite a process. And i think that all of this physical productivity is a sign of bigger and better things to come. More intricate, important "projects", more creative output, more stuff.

But anyway, i've made quite a few magnets, and i'll probably start trying to pawn them off on people, so watch out... :)

Best Wrapping Job EVER

2007-12-26T00:28:00.000-05:00

So, I know that it has been quite some time since my last update, but I must assure you that i have not been resting! First, there were finals. Final papers, final exams, school stress. But, I think all that went pretty well in the end. Then all of a sudden, it's the day before Christmas and I hadn't really gone "shopping" per se, so i stayed up late yesterday (xmas eve) wrapping presents.

But, I did make a fantastic find -- i found this awesome, giant old steering wheel from a ship. It's huge, mahogany and brass, pretty heavy. It's in good condition, and my dad likes nautical stuff and so i got it. And i ended up having fun trying to wrap it up last night, running out of wrapping paper and tape, watching my fatcat playing with ribbons and freaking out . . .

Anyway, I have some FREE TIME now (JACKPOT!) so, i hope to be able to read some good books and listen to some good music, and hopefully get some apartment-work done. Yay, i'm actually looking forward to this!

'Til the next update... ;)

it's actually way past my bedtime, why am i awake and posting?

2007-12-07T01:23:00.000-05:00

Ok, I have a totally awesome Jackpot! for you, i’m really excited about this one.

I'm not sure what started this, but for the past 3 or so weeks, i have been in the habit of staying up waaaay past my bedtime (as of right now, I am announcing my intent to no longer stay up past 11:30pm). But i justify the late nights because of their serious productivity! In these few weeks, by devoting a few hours late in the night about 5 nights a week, I have:

1. Completely reorganized my "bills" and "important papers and stuff" system. I separated, chronologically ordered, and created a home for all of my bills, credit card statements, bank statements, etc. Everything paperlike has a home, a place where it belongs.
2. Heroically braved the dangerous jungle of my closet, emptied it out, and reorganized.
3. Rearranged the furniture in my living room, including the necessary vacuuming and dusting involved.
4. Reorganized and de-cluttered the little endtable/bookstand things in my living room.
5. Taken all of the pictures and things off my walls and started over, taking into consideration things like color, energy, balance, etc.
6. Cleaned off and de-cluttered the crap on my table/desk, coffee table, and shelf.
7. Put up some cute little holiday decorations, like a wreath and a Noel door hanging thing, and i also hung a cool ornament over my sink, which made it more pleasant to wash the dishes tonight! :)

And tonight, i did it again! Way past my bedtime, i cleaned and re-organized the cabinets above my sink, where i keep all of my plates, bowls, glasses, mugs, plastic containers, etc. And when i was done, i opened all three cabinet doors, and i thought it actually looked kinda pretty. In fact, the colors really did look good in my otherwise drab off-white kitchen. So . . . . so, i unscrewed the cabinet doors from their hinges.

Ok, yeah, it was a little . . . radical, maybe. Maybe I took it a step too far, breaking out the hardware and tools. But to be honest, i like it much better this way. I wish I had a before picture, because those doors were ugly. The front was completely blank - no texture, no design, not even wood grain. They didn't even have handles - you had to pull it from the wall, and in my ancient kitchen everything is coated in 40 layers of old paint and so the doors would always stick shut. They were the same ugly off-white-but-maybe-closer-to-beige color as my walls, and it was just . . . drab and gross. Especially with that awful, ancient, uncovered, florescent light. But now, sans ugly doors, my red mugs and pretty glasses give my kitchen some much-needed color!

And the best part about this particular little project, the part that makes this a true Jackpot!, is that this was completely FREE. What? What was that? Did i actually aesthetically improve my kitchen without spending a dime on it? Oh, JACKPOT!

Reflection [Another Kinda Sappy Post, Sorry, I'll Have a Good One Soon]

2007-12-01T00:28:00.000-05:00

So, i was bored, and started perusing some of my old blog posts. Found one from December 30th of last year. I know it's technically not yet a year, but I think this is an good time to look at that particular post, and reflect.

In this post, I laid out some "goals" for 2007. I wanted to focus on my health, keeping my weight down and my eating under control. I definitely was doing well with that, until this summer and fall which i kinda "took off" from actively doing weight watchers. But i kept some really good food habits, and only gained about 5 lbs, which I am currently working on losing again. I am also trying to get back into the jiu jitsu routine, which will be much easier after this semester is over.

I also wanted to "re-evaluate how i spend my time." This might very well be one of the biggest changes in my life this past year - getting a new job. My schedule was free FREE FREE for once. I actually started having a social life, since I wasn't driving two and from freakin new haven five nights a week. I think I am struggling with balancing friends and time now, but in the opposite direction - i am spending more time with humans, which was my third goal. I made a lot of new connections this year. Some relationships have changed, and there is still a long list of people very dear to me with whom i simply haven't been in touch with as often as I should. But i really did make a good effort at being with humans.

All in all, I would consider this year to be a pretty good year. In particular, the past few years of my life have, on the whole, been going pretty well. That's a pretty big deal, for any of you who have witnessed or heard of some earlier years. A little while ago, Adrian made a very intriguing (and totally true) comment; he said something along the lines of "You know, meg, for a girl who was so screwed up and crazy a few years ago, you're pretty normal. In fact, it's amazing how normal you are." That's so dead on.

My mom's sister, Joyce, is back in connecticut. This is my really ill Aunt Joyce, with the cancer all over. She came home, with her husband and two little kids (and two awesome dogs) and they are here for an indetermined amount of time. It's good to have her home, I haven't seen her or my cousins in . . . years. But it's also, though i really hate to say it, a little stressful. Last night, joyce was rushed to the er, and my mom was on her way to the hospital and called me, for prayer back-up. It's sad to think that she isn't on any treatment for the cancer, and her prognosis . . . Well, at least she is home, here, where we can be with her. I hope i can kind of revive our relationship. I know it sounds so stupidly cliche, but it's true. My aunt is a wonderful, interesting woman; i can learn a lot from her. I really hope we can reconnect.

Finally Embracing my Nerd-hood

2007-10-29T12:34:00.000-04:00

Many of you have already heard, but for those who haven't . . .
I joined the Philosophy Club at school. Yes, that's right. The Philosophy Club. And I love it. I am finally learning to admit, and accept, my nerdiness. My nerd-hood, if you will.

We are designing a Philosophy Club T-shirt (and yes, I will wear it proudly), and a mural which will be painted in the hallway of the Philosophy Department (the idea we're running with is the "dogs playing poker" thing, but with philosophers instead. They will all have a thought bubble.) I am also going on a trip with the club to the American Philosophical Association's Annual conference, in Baltimore or somewhere. We're renting a 12-seater van and driving down, and staying in hostels. We will probably all be wearing our t-shirts :)

In forming the club, we needed at least 15 signatures, so to recruit more students we made some little flyers to put up around school. This is one that our secretary made:

Caption: "Think Outside the Vat - Join the Philosophy Club!"

Updates . . .

2007-10-16T16:12:00.000-04:00

My birthday was October 2nd, so that Friday I has some friends over. I happen to be friends with the most creative cake-maker in the universe, and she made a delicious, scrumptious, simply amazing cake. I play the baritone saxophone, and Hope created this (completely edible!) cake, with a 3D sax (partially modeled after Lisa Simpson's sax) and a ribbon of musical notes wrapping around it. The cake was tasty goodness, and everyone loved it.

Check out more of Hope's "goodies" at A Little Imagination

Speaking of music . . . ok, I got a brand new laptop which actually WORKS, unlike my old amish computer (no offense to any Amish people.) I now have a goal in sight. If i can get composing software on my computer, I vow to myself that I will compose the piece which has been in my soul for so long, and have the Wesleyan University band perform it at one of their concerts. And I would like to conduct it, too, but that's not the important thing.

I was telling a friend the other day how moved I am by music, how it affects me so strongly. I can no longer listen to Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 while i'm driving -- it's too dangerous. I get lost in the music.

I think the only way to describe what I experience is . . . longing. When I listen to that music, especially the piano solo or the giant crescendo in the first movement, it creates this tornado-like thing inside of me, swirling around, vacuuming out reality, and leaving this big empty hole. I feel like I was music, at some point, and am waiting to return to that, return to music. So, it's like my soul is longing, yearning, to be music again. When I hear Rachmaninoff (not sure why he does it to me so well, everytime, that's just the way it is) I am simultaneously full of joy and sorrow. Joy, because i get to experience this music, but sorrow because i am so close to being . . . real.

Anyway, I know this sounds like a bunch of babble, but it makes sense to me. So, there.

Words Cannot Express...

2007-10-04T15:42:00.000-04:00

...How amazing this puppy is.

My sister got a puppy. As you can clearly see, this is by far the most adorable puppy to ever grace this earth. Her name is Puddles - when she settles in your lap, she becomes a little "puddle of dog."

Thank God for puppies.

The "What's She Gonna Order?" Game

2007-09-15T00:49:00.000-04:00

I have been spending a considerable amount of time (and money) at this coffee/bagel/sandwich place about a block from my apartment. The atmosphere is relaxed, the coffee does its job, and the food is quite tasty. But the best part . . . the employees like to have fun :)

I like to keep things interesting, you know? And I think food orders are boring.
"Wheat bagel toasted and a small coffee." Boring. So, I have been mixing it up lately. The friendly staff at this place like to play what i call the "What's She Gonna Order?" Game. It's quite simple, actually. I look at the menu, pick out my top 2-3 choices, and start asking the employee questions.

"A, B, or C?" I ask.
"A."
"OK, monkey or iguana?"
"Iguana."
"OK, blue, red, or orange?"
"Orange."
"OK, if you could go to Italy or Scotland, which would you pick?"
"Scotland."
"Ok. A, iguana, orange, and Scotland. That means I'm getting a blueberry bagel with lite cream cheese, and a medium hazelnut coffee."

This is actually quite fun. Each option is (obviously) pre-assigned a choice. A, B, and C were bagel options, the animals were with/without cream cheese, the colors were related to coffee flavors, and the countries were what size coffee I would get. I find that this makes the whole ordering process much more fun and exciting. Also, the employees love it when I come in -- suddenly everyone is standing behind the register, waiting for me to start asking.

I enjoy bringing random fun into unexpected moments. I'm gonna have to start doing fun stuff like this all the time!

The Summer is Over . . .

2007-09-04T21:19:00.000-04:00

...and classes have begun.

This is the pile of books sitting on my desk, awaiting my attention. I am taking four Philosophy courses -- Nature Mind and Science, Philosophy of Religion, Continental Philosophy, and Ancient Greek Philosophy. And I'm finishing up my major with one last Psychology course -- Sensation and Perception.

In other words, a whole buttload of reading and writing is ahead of me.

So far, it looks like a lot of my course material will either overlap or complement each other. For example, my Sensation and perception class will begin by covering the Ancient Greek philosophers' theories about matter and mind, looking at Aristotle and some other dead guys, who will also be covered in my Ancient Greek class. Nature Mind and Science will definitely overlap with Sensation and Perception. And several of the authors we are covering in my Continental Philosophy course will certainly be covered in Philosophy of Religion, like Soren Kierkegaard. So, that will be nice.

By the way, my Continental Philosophy professor is the cutest little lady ever! She is short and old and small, from London, with wispy gray hair and circular glasses perched on her nose. She has the sweetest accent ever, and is incredibly soft spoken. In class today, all i wanted her to do was say "crumpets" or "not at all" or "bloody hell" (thanks for the suggestion, Adrian!) or something equally cute and british.

Now, for a real Jackpot!, allow me to tell you the story of the Phone Of Doom. About a year ago, i purchased a new cell phone (because my old flip phone had BROKEN COMPLETELY IN HALF) and was greatly enjoying the conveniences of a functioning phone. I do not have a land line at home, so my cell phone is my only connection to the world. Well, last Thursday, my phone became possessed by an evil demon seeking to destroy me. Every single time I either recieved or made a phone call, the phone would immediately shut off. Not just drop the call, but actually power off. I would then have to turn the phone back on, only to watch it turn off again all by itself, that evil little demon doing its best to drive me nuts. I struggled with this Phone Of Doom for a full day, hoping the demon would excise itself, before I gave in and called the lovely (but slow) insurance people for a new phone. I got the same response from the three customer service reps to whom I told the sordid details of this phone havoc: "Oh, wow, that's really strange. Huh."

I waited and waited, and finally when I came home from my classes this afternoon, there it was! My new phone, waiting for me! This is the Phone of Freedom! I am now Free! Jackpot! The Phone of Doom will be returning to its maker tomorrow, and I can't wait to be rid of that evil. For tonight, I am just trying to keep the Phone of Freedom a good distance away from the corruptive evil spirits of the Phone of Doom. I hope demons aren't contagious, because if i have to go through this ordeal again ... someone will not make it out alive.

Why Boating Rocks

2007-09-02T11:36:00.000-04:00

My dad bought his first speedboat when I was only a few months old. So, I have always been a boating girl. There is something really special about going boating. I remember when I was younger, still living with my parents, we would go every Sunday morning in the summer. Dad would wake us up at the asscrack of dawn, that time when it's still kind of chilly and wet even though it's july, and we'd pile into the car and drive to the launch. When Emily and I were old enough, we would help mom hold the boat in the water while dad parked the truck and trailer. There is something really cool about being on a boat. You don't go that fast -- only about 30-40mph, which isn't that impressive when you're in a car. But, when you're going that speed on the open river, with the wind in your hair and the water splashing your face, it feels . . . so fast, it's almost a little nerve-racking.

Of course, another fun thing about boat trips is that you never know what will happen. Like that time we were anchored and some other stupid boat full of stupid idiots came too close and their prop actually cut the rope attaching our boat to our anchor. We lost the anchor, and so had to drive home, and my dad had to buy a new anchor. (Which, I must add, is called "The Super Hooker" -- I kid you not, I am so serious, it's acutally called that!)

Or when we used to bring our old dog, Chauncey, on the boat, and she would just barely wait until dad slowed down to anchor before she jumped off the back. Sometimes, she couldn't even wait that long. And once . . . she did fall off the boat, once. But we rescued her. :)

Or that time we were peacefully anchored in a little cove, and these giant freaky swan beasts were honking all over the place. Watch out for swans -- those things are agressive and dangerous!

Or that time my mom's huge nerdy straw hat blew off in the wind as we were driving, and we turned around and used a giant pole with a hook on the end to make a heroic rescue.

Or that time when we hadn't even launched -- I was on the dock, holding the boat, and my dad turned the key to start the engine, and all we heard was "clickclickclick." Yes, the battery was dead. The look on my dad's face . . . I thought he was going to cry. Or have a stroke. We ended up pulling his truck into the river and using his truck to jump start the boat, which was in the water.

Or that time when I was really young and was playing on the baot while my dad went for a walk on the beach. I must have accidentally hit the little switch that trims the motor up, because by the time my dad got back on the boat, the trim motor had burned out and died. For years, we drove that boat without a proper trim :)

Yeah, boating rocks.

Soaking Wet in my Clothes, and Happy About it!

2007-08-27T22:20:00.000-04:00

This is one of the biggest Jackpots in my life.

I got Baptized on Sunday! My church does a beautiful outdoor baptism service at a pond. So many wonderful people attend this church, and are such blessings. I think I was hugged by about 100 people that day. :) The best part was getting baptized by Pastor Scott, who has kind of ushered me through the faith. I went to meet with him a few times before I became a Christian -- in fact, the first time I met with him, I had absolutely ZERO interest in having a personal faith, I was just interested in having a discussion about doctrine and theology and that kind of thing, get some generic questions answered. But Pastor Scott was so warm and welcoming, made me feel so comfortable, and I came back again the next week, armed with more questions, this time some more personal questions. And the next week i went to meet with him again, and to my utter shock, I believed.

I think that, as I gained an understanding of the theology, of Christianity (not any particular denomination, with their own rules and quirks, but the general concept of what they believe) I slowly started to understand intellectually. And then, as I talked with Pastor Scott, I saw that I couldn't deny what I found to be TRUTH. I mean, I'm the kind of person who, once I'm convinced of something, I go at it full force. I don't take truth lightly. If I find any truth in this broken world, I cling to it and take action. So, if I understood and believed this new truth, i had no choice but to take action on that. And the next logical action is to profess my belief in this truth, and learn more and more. So, I did. That day, the third time i met with Pastor Scott, I asked him to lead me in prayer and give me the words to profess my faith. And that was . . . magical.

So, when Pastor Scott was waiting waist-deep in the pond as I walked out to him, with my dear friend Heather's prayers of sweet loving words drifting over the water to me, I was overcome. Pastor Scott held me, like a father cradles his daughter, and lowered me into the cool, fresh waters, and pulled me back up into the crisp morning air. Amazing. What an experience.

Both of my parents came to the service, and when I came out of the water and they walked over and hugged me, I was breathless. My parents stood by me for the years of hell and anguish that I put them through, and they never gave up. They never washed their hands of me, never said, "that's it, that's the last straw," even though there were countless times when they could have. My mom and dad embraced me, soaking wet, and all I could say was, thank you. Thank you for never giving up, for praying for me and believing in god's grace all those years.

So, this is a Jackpot above all other jackpots.

Even Better Jackpot From Nature! (And various stonemasons and gardeners etc.)

2007-08-10T17:56:00.000-04:00

So, I went to Harkness Park (like, a few months ago, with this silly German student who did jiu jitsu with us) and took some pics. I just scanned them (yay for technology!) and so, without further ado, here are some pictures of my favorite park in the Northeast. Click on a pic for a bigger view.

The above pic was taken from the inside of the sunken garden, where they sometimes have poetry readings etc.

This here Lion, guarding the back porch of the mansion.

View (taken standing precariously on an unconvincing stone wall) of the ocean -- the beach is right there, about a ten minute walk down this hill.

Part of the various strange little decorative things lining the walls of the mansion.

Stone steps, leading to one of the many entrances to the OTHER gorgeous garden, which has fountains and flowers and rocks, etc.

Giant humungo tree trunks (the German guy I was here with decided he was more monkey-like than most of us, and he climbed about forty feet up in this tree, which scared the crap out of me.)

There's a neat little garden area off to the side with this cool tree canopy thing. This picture is from inside the little cave these trees made, looking out and up through the leaves.

Pretty-looking urn-thing.

Taken standing outside the walls of the bigger garden, looking in through the stone wall things.

Jackpot from Nature

2007-07-19T21:43:00.000-04:00

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science." ~Albert Einstein

"But then he thought, How can I not be serious? What's not to be serious about? What could I take more seriously than this? And what's the point of waking up in the morning if you don't try to match the enormousness of the known forces in the world with something powerful in your own life?" ~Don DeLillo, Underworld

...Technology, Take Two

2007-07-04T21:24:00.001-04:00

OK, let's try this again. I think, think, that I figured it out this time. If not . . . I give up.

My kittie. She was sitting on my couch watching me write a paper over my shoulder.

My sister was on a business trip in LA, so I met her there. This was the beach walkway thing right outside our hotel. Beautiful.

My Doppleganger coworker's RIDICULOUSLY CUTE pitbul puppy, Nala.

My mom makes these amazingly beautiful Ukranian Eggs, she has been doing them for years, and is incredibly talented.

Another of my mom's masterpieces.

A rainbow right outside my neighbors' and my apartment. (Thanks, Adrian!)

Looking at the "Big-Picture-Jackpot"

2007-06-14T17:35:00.000-04:00

So, for this new State-job gig, I had to go to the DCF central office in Hartford to be fingerprinted. Well, first of all, the directions I got were THE WORST directions in the whole history of directions. I had given myself a fifteen-minute traffic buffer (because you never know with I-91). Well, getting LOST in DOWNTOWN HARTFORD takes a while, so I just barely made it to my fingerprinting appointment at 11:00. I'm shown to this waiting area and told to . . . well, wait. But there were so many people that all the chairs were taken up, so I had to stand. In heels. FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF!!!!! I didn't get fingerprinted until 12:30!!! Unbelievable.

So, the fingerprinting is over. I am sore and tired and still a little shaken up from the rough drive in. Then, this lady tells me I need to go to the DAS building to get my photo taken for the state employee ID badge. So, she gives me some more bad directions, I get a little more lost, i panic a little more, and finally I make it to the DAS building. I walk inside the building, nervous and shaking from the driving around in HELL, and tell them I'm here for the photo ID thing. She smiles and says "I'm sorry, you'll have to come back next week. That machine is broken today." So . . . long story short, I have to go through all that driving horror again on Monday. Ewww.

But, this is completely worth it. Look at the Big Picture. Or, the Big Jackpot, if you will. I am going to be able to have week-nights free, for the first time in almost two years. I will be able to hit evening jiu jitsu classes. I will be able to meet friends for dinner or coffee or something. I will have time to SIT IN MY APARTMENT AND DO NOTHING.
Wait, what? RELAXATION?!? JACKPOT!!!!!!!

Things in general are going well. I think i might manage to pass my Chemistry class, and I just went over the class schedule for my last two semesters, and I will actually graduate on time, wow. I am committed to enjoying this summer -- my sister actually sent me a nice "congrats on the job" postcard, and she wrote something about how being so busy takes away time that I'll never get back. That made me think. I really want to make this MY summer.

Workin' My Inter-Personal Magic

2007-06-06T18:50:00.000-04:00

There was a job posting online for a Childrens Services Worker at DCF, right in the town I live (not 50 minutes away, like my current job.) So, i sent in my application last Thursday. Then I got a phone call on Monday for a job interview, which was scheduled for today (Wednesday) at 2:00pm. So I show up. Apparently, over 100 people had applied for the position, and they had interviewed 80 people already -- this was the last day of interviews. But i didn't let that upset me. I walked in, gave my best, warmest smile, my heartiest handshake, and tried to work my inter-personal magic.

The first part was with HR -- all that silly paperwork, making sure the application was complete, all that crap. Then I waited for about 20 minutes with a handful of other applicants before I was called in for the "real" interview. This went well -- I was feeling pretty good. Then, all the other applicants were getting called up, hand-shaken, told that they were being put into a "Candidate Pool," and then they'd leave. And suddenly, after about two full hours, I realized that I was the only applicant left. They called me into a separate room where I met the director of HR, and was offered a position.

Once the fingerprinting and drug tests and physical exam and fbi background check are all complete, I will be an official Childrens Services Worker for the State of Connecticut Department of Children and Families. Yay! It's a part-time position, but enough of a pay raise that money shouldn't really be an issue. Plus, I will finally be able to have weeknights free, so I could even pick up a part-time evening job, if I needed to. I will be working as a counselor to children and adolescents with mental health, substance abuse, and behavioral issues, in an inpatient hospital setting. I absolutely love the job I have right now, but I think it's time for a change, and I think this is the right change. I feel good about the whole thing -- the fact that it went so smoothly, I really liked everyone that I had the pleasure to meet, and . . . .this just seems perfect.

. . . Anyway, so The Summer of Meg's Cultural Revolution is going quite well, I must say. My Doppleganger co-worker has been giving me wonderful art history lessons, I have been reading some good classics (Nabokov, Fitzgerald, Kafka, Dostoyevsky), I watched an old movie with Humphrey Bogart the other night, I have been soaking up the Brahms and Rachmaninoff and Miles Davis, and my friend is giving me Spanish lessons (in exchange for lessons on reading music, and music theory.) Good stuff. Very good stuff.

Plus, the music director at my church asked if I'd be willing to play with a small group of musicians on Sunday the 24th. Would I be willing? Are you kidding? The band I am in has a show every saturday through the month of june. We are playing at a tattoo shop opening reception on the 9th (how cool is that?? I might get meself some more inkin'), then in NY on the 16th, then Up Or On The Rocks on the 23rd. Then we also have shows coming up at The Space, in Hamden, and Webster Theater. Yay! This is like, a super-musical summer! What was that? LOTS OF MUSIC PLAYING AND SINGING??? JACKPOT!!!!!

Dude . . . life is lookin' good . . .

The Summer of Meg's Cultural Revolution

2007-05-19T03:12:00.000-04:00

My third shift coworker called out sick and nobody found coverage, so I am stuck here at work. I got here at four in the afternoon, and I have to stay until eight in the morning, then drive 50 minutes home, get a few hours of sleep, wake up at 1:30 to shower and then leave because i have to be back here at work by 3pm. Eww. So, I guess I'll write a blog post, since I'm wide awake (thank you, green tea) and have nothing to do.

So, I realized the other day that I have no cultural foundation. I haven't read any classic literature (except what they made us read in school, by force) or seen any classic movies or studied any classic art. For example: I have never read a novel by Goethe, or Dickens, or Nobokov, or James. I have never seen Casablanca. And i couldn't tell the difference between a painting by DaVinci, or Michelangelo, or Renoir. I am vaguely familiar with all of this stuff, because it's so embedded in our culture that you can't help but know the plot of Lolita or recognize the Mona Lisa, but I've never taken the time to sit down and study them. So, my twilight-zone coworker has a degree in art history or something, so she's going to spend this summer bringing in art textbooks and educating me in the classical art department. I'm going to start bringing in some opera music to play while we're at work, since both of us want to explore opera. So, we have officially titled this The Summer of Meg's Cultural Revolution.

(I know i know, "cultural enlightenment" is a more accurate descriptor, but i like how "cultural revolution" sounds, the ending sound of "cultURAL" and the start of "REVOlution", the way they kinda blend together and compliment each other. It makes my tongue happy. So we're going with revolution.)

I'm recruiting help in the following areas: Classical art, literature, music, philosophy (with a focus on ancient, because i'm taking a class on that in the fall), opera, classic "american" movies, and . . . basically anything else anyone wants to teach me. I am also recruiting people to help me with language -- I need to brush up on my meager high school Spanish, and I'd like at least a conversational grasp of French, and maybe Italian and/or German. Some people (you know who you are . . .) have already "been volunteered" for The Summer of Meg's Cultural Revolution. And i have my eye on a few more "volunteers. But, if you wanna teach me something, cool.

...So, I was filling up my car at the gas station this morning, and another car pulled in to use the pump behind me. I turn around and, lo and behold, there is a pitbull in the backseat, smiling at me! So I caught the owner's eye and motioned to the dog, and he smiled and nodded (this is the secret code of dog-lovers) and i went over and let this gorgeous dog slobber all over my face. She was so sweet and drooly and womderful! And all I could think was, dog in car at gas station? Dog in car at gas station licking my face? WHAT?!? JACKPOT!!!!

"A Life Adrift"

2007-05-12T18:42:00.000-04:00

I had a Jackpot! conversation the other day.

Last Monday evening, after completing my thesis, getting an A on it, hearing that I will retain my full-tuition scholarship next semester, and learning that I am exempt from two final exams, I went home in a great mood. There is an interesting group of guys who live right next door to me, and they saw my kitchen light on and invited me to come over and hang out. I got to spend a few relaxing hours celebrating with these strange, fun guys. When I finally left, one of these cool dudes, A., walked me home. We ended up sitting on my couch until the wee hours of the morning, talking.

Unfortunately, due to my stupidly busy schedule and crappy school, I don't have many oportunities to have "real" conversations. Dialogue which is not driven by topics and subjects, rather guided and flowing through senses and resonances. Like currents in a river. They say that conversation is an art -- not my conversation with A.. This wasn't art, this was messy. This was all over the place, coloring outside the lines, stripes and polka dots. It was great! No restraints, no chains, no expectations. No rules. Just conversation. Whatever needed to be said was said, with no need for censorship or masks. It was . . . natural. Honest. Relaxing.

A. said something which struck me. I don't remember the context, probably because our conversation was all over the place and free, but I remember he said, "A life adrift." A life . . . adrift. "Adrift" has negative connotations, but I suddenly saw it differently. Not directionless, not stagnant, not dead in the water, not aimless. No, this state of being Adrift is good. There is motion, there is momentum, there is progress and scenery and adventures. There is curiosity and risks and pay-off. With a simple phrase, A. unhinged something in me. Life really is like being adrift. A piece of driftwood, floating along, being guided gently by the currents of the river.

At this point in my life, i am looking at grad schools to apply to. I am looking at new jobs closer to home and with better pay. I am single, not necessarily looking for someone but not adverse to the possibility. There are a lot of . . . things going on. I think that i will no longer allow it to be overwhelming. What's the point of life if it's so overwhelming that you can't enjoy it, can't even really experience it without being afraid? I am Adrift, and that's ok. I'll let the currents guide me. I can practically see God, chillin' in the clouds, blowing this way or that to stir up some currents and waves, to move a little piece of driftwood . . . red-headed driftwood :)

...I'm done? What now???

2007-05-07T15:32:00.000-04:00

Wow. I had my last meeting with my Thesis Advisor today. I asked him if there were any last changes which needed to be made before I printed it out. He said no. He said I was a good writer. He said I was done with my Thesis. He said I could print it out and hand it in. He said he was giving me an A.

...I'm still in shock.

I printed out three copies of my 63-page Thesis, entitled, "A Guy Walks Into a Bar: An Investigative Study of the Tools of Humor Found in Aristophanes' Plays and Modern Comedy." I took them to the Honors department to be bound. Wow. Now, I'm carrying a copy of it in my purse, showing it to everyone I see. I know that pride is bad, but this isn't really pride. This is more. . . shock and awe. Amazement. Like, I just can't believe I actually wrote and finished an Honors Thesis. Wow.

I'm done. I don't know what to do. I mean, really, I don't know what to do with myself, not having the Thesis-worry hanging over my head.

As the director of the Honors Program was binding my copies, I said to her, "Well, what do I do now?" She smiled and responded, "That's up to you."

The Best Type of "Happy"

2007-04-17T08:01:00.000-04:00

OK, so my Twilight-Zone-Coworker just got a pitbull puppy. She's only seven weeks old. I got to play with her on Saturday -- needless to say, I am happy. Puppy-happy.
You see, there are varying forms of "happy." "Happy" can come from a good laugh at a funny movie, or maybe getting an A on that paper you were so worried about, or getting good news from a good friend. Some "happy's" are better than others. One of the best, longest-lasting "happys" is the happy you get from an animal. Young animals (kittens, puppies, etc) are preferable, but the happy can really come from any little creature that you come across.
The secret is love. A puppy, for example, is the easiest thing to love. She'll meet you for the first time in her life, and automatically she's fawning over you like you're a God. She loves you, instantly and completely. You don't have to do anything to get this love. You don't have to work at getting respect or proving that you are worth loving. It's just there. How can you not return that love?

So, when I got to play with little Nala, the pitbull puppy, I was overcome with love. She is tiny (she fit into my two hands put together) and fuzzy-soft (the best kind of soft) and WRINKLY!!!!! Ohhhh, wrinkles. I love LOVE wrinkly puppies.
So, we were playing. She's the typical little puppy -- all excited, clumsy because she doesn't know her own paws, jumping and sliding and wriggling all over the place. She kept trying to climb up on me, it was awesome. And then, after a solid ten minutes of playing, she suddenly climbed onto my lap and fell asleep. Just like that. She went from crazy excited energetic puppy to asleep in under ten seconds. It was great.

So there I am, with a little, fuzzy, wrinkly puppy sleeping on my lap! OHHHH, JACKPOT!!!! This is the BEST kind of happy that i can think of!!!!! Uhhh, that's put me in a good mood for at least two or three weeks.
Thank God for puppies. Yes, the Lord is serious about alot of things, and He is just and mighty and He is our Judge and all that good stuff . . . but you gotta admit, only a God who really does know how great love is would create puppies. Go find a puppy. That's your homework. Go find a puppy, and you'll find God smiling.

LA for cheap, and some tire-pressure

2007-04-01T17:18:00.000-04:00

So, my incredibly talented older sister is a fashion designer for Target, and they send on her "shopping" trips all over the world. She basically is put up in a beautiful hotel, given a generous allowance for meals, gets a sweet rental car ... all on the company expense account. So, naturally, I took advantage. She was sent to Los Angeles the week that I was on Spring Break, which is when I usually fly out to visit her in Minneapolis anyway, so instead I bought a plane ticket to LA. I stayed in the free posh hotel with her, shared her free rental car, ate many meals on her expense account, and basically did nothing but shop and relax. Shopping may not be my "thing" (if I'm not shopping for fruit or cheap jewelery, I'm not interested) but when you're in LA, and your fashion-nazi sister is hitting all of the absurdly expensive places where a single sock is practically my paycheck ... it's hard not to be in the mood to browse.
Besides, my sister was actually quite fun to hang out with. Usually, we have a great first day together, then by the next morning we're a little touchy, and we'll be fighting like those good ol' days by lunch time. But we made it to the VERY LAST NIGHT before we had a real fight! We had some really great talks, too. So, all in all, it was a great trip.

Funny story: Last week at work, I discovered that my female 29-year old coworker did not know how to check her own tire pressure, never mind pump air. Now, I am lucky -- my father has taught me a lot about cars. Like, I can check my tires, change a flat, change my own oil, etc. So, I gently convinced her that she needed to learn. We took our dinner breaks together, and I took her to a gas station to purchase her very own tire pressure gauge. I then explained all about tires and tire pressure, when you should check them and fill them, what "psi" stands for, etc. I showed her how to fill her tires, and proceeded to fill the first three tires. Then, apprehensively yet bravely, she took a deep breath and said, "Meagin, I think I'm ready. I'm ready to pump air into that tire." I looked at her, and saw the new-found wisdom in her eyes. I said, "Yes, Grasshopper, you are ready. It is time." So I handed the air hose to her, and she filled her very first tire!!! It was quite exciting. On the drive back to work, I told her that she should check her tires again the next morning, before she drove anywhere, to make sure that her tires aren't leaking at all. She was all eager and excited, like "Oh, yes, i definitely will, first thing!!!" We got back to work, and she proceeded to announce to the interns and clients how she had just pumped air into a tire. It was freaking hilarious.

That's how I "roll"

2007-03-06T08:54:00.000-05:00

So, I've decided to start cooking.

I moved out over two and a half years ago, yet it wasn't until the past two or three months that I've actually started to cook my own meals. One bored afternoon + one mildly successfull food-making-adventure = YAY i'm cooking!!! I now have a repetoir of four dishes that I have "mastered" (translation: my apartment does not burn down, i do not get food poisoning, and the Food and Drug Administration has not broken down my door and arrested me.) Awesome.

So, needless to say, I'm feeling a little more free and adventurous in the food world. Now, this weekend was a friend's birthday, and we celebrated by gathering at his condo, watching the UFC (holy crap, go Jason Lambert!!!) and making sushi. That's right, making sushi. Chris's amazing wife, Hope (or, as we affectionately call her, G.I. Hope) actually taught me how to make real, homemade sushi! I made one roll. Rice on the outside, seaweed, then I rolled in shrimp, carrots, cucumber, and some bean sprouts. We chopped it up and served my roll to the ravenous wolves sitting on the couches (i.e. Chris and our friends) and they said it was OK! NOBODY PUKED OR DIED! I MADE A SUCCESSFUL SUSHI ROLL!!! JACKPOT!!!!!!!!

Wow. So, watch out everybody. I only made that one roll on Sunday because I didn't want to push my luck, but you can rest assured that I will be rollin' it up big time. Because that's how I roll.

(Wow, post-script note: I just wrote a post titled "that's how I roll" WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT JIU JITSU!!! I'm pretty sure that's some form of blasphemy. I'll fix that in my next post, I promise.)

Shocking!

2007-02-05T14:15:00.000-05:00

I got a shocking letter in the mail the other day! Apparently, TJX Companies, who does work for stores like Marshalls, Bobs, TJ Maxx, etc., found out that someone has been stealing credit/debit card info from their computer system. And my bank kindly sent me a letter to let me know that my debit card was one of the ones stolen.
Someone out there has my name, debit card (and, mind you, checking account) number, expiration date, and the little 3-digit code on the back. I got chills down my spine when I first realized that.
So, I guess a little part of my identity has been stolen. Not all, really. I mean, they don't have my birthday or address or social security number, though if it was that simple to get the info they already have, it must not be too hard to find out the rest. But a little part of my identity has been stolen.

Therefore, I have decided to make up the identity of my identity stealer. I have decided that he is a guy, white, in his late-twenties. He wears glasses. He's average height, average build, maybe a little on the skinny side. Dark, boring hair. He has to wear a suit to work, but like a cheap JC Penny's suit, nothing too fancy. He drives a boring car, rents a boring apartment in a city. He has a male roommate who drives him crazy. He grew up in some suburban neighborhood, stay-at-home mom, no siblings. Lots of video games. He has a strange, hidden sense of entitlement, like he deserves everything he wants and should get it all, probably because he was spoiled as a kid. The problem is, he's lazy. Entitled, but lazy. He wants it all, money and power and all that jazz, but he's too lazy to work for it.

So he steals people's information, maybe just because he can, and realizes that he gets some kind of rush from it. He was like, WHAT? FREE MONEY??? JACKPOT!!!!!!! So he finds a way to get into TJX Company's system and steal lots and lots of people's info, and sells them to the highest bidders.

So now, he has some great money, so he moves out and gets a nicer place. A nicer car. Some nicer suits. Maybe a better haircut. But soon, soon, he will realize that stolen money isn't all that great. He's still a lonely, lazy white guy who played video games and probably still has a boring haircut.

This is life.

2007-01-22T14:39:00.000-05:00

Howdy, it's been a while.
So, I woke up this morning feeling nice and warm and comfy, and suddenly realized that I HAVE CLASSES STARTING TODAY! Woah. Hang on, I thought I had more time! I feel like I didn't get anything done during winter "break" just some grocery shopping and some organizing. That's it. I am not ready to go back to classes. But i guess i have no choice in the matter. I shouldn't complain -- the quicker I can be done with college and then grad school, the better.

I had a strange dream last night. My landlord was complaining that I was too loud and noisy in my apartment, but instead of telling me to be quiet (I was watching the UFC, and I tend to get a little excited) he sent this big dude over who broke into my place and beat me up! So the next morning I marched over to my landlord and told him, hey, you're crazy, I'm packing my stuff and moving out. Today. So i go back to my place, but that dude was waiting there for me! But this time, I beat him up! It was great. But strange, definitely strange.

So my cat has started this new habit of head-butting me. I mean, it's cute and cuddly and she's just looking for attention, but it's very weird. She does it most often in the morning, when she decides that it's time for me to wake-up. She walks up to me, sleeping in bed, starts purring, and then slams her head into my face. Then she rubs her head on me. It's really quite cute and endearing, but totally odd. I don't know what suddenly inspired her to start this, but whatever.

If my cat could talk and understand English, would she prefer Dostoyevsky, Emily Bronte, or Tom Clancy? Bach, Stravinsky, or Metallica? Seinfeld, Family Guy, or House? The warm radiator in my living room, the window in my bedroom, or the fluffy comforter on my bed?

Warning: Sentimental "New Year's Resolutions" Post -- Do Not Be Alarmed We Will Return To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming Momentarily

2006-12-30T20:37:00.000-05:00

So, this post is going to be stupid and sentimental, so don't read this if you don't care about sentimental crap. Go back and read my "Crazy Tea" post or something. I usually don't do sentimental, but all this talk about New Years is making me think. (Crap.)
I've always kinda hated New year's Resoultions -- they're so cliched, so boring, so obvious and expected. But this past year brought on a whole bunch of changes in my life, and I think it would be wise to look to the future, anticipating change, and try to define my goals. I thought of Four:

1. Improve my health and my commitment to health.
I lost somewhere around 50 lbs in the past year, due to significant lifestyle changes, like consistent exercise and healthier food choices. But I feel like I need to strengthen this health-commitment (probably because I've gone completely off-track this past week, like seriously, holy cannoli & cookies, hot chocolate, wow.)

2. Re-evaluate how I spend my time.
My schedule is super-busy, between school and work and jiu jitsu and everything in life. When I'm spread so thin, I don't even enjoy my life. I need to re-evaluate what I spend my precious little free time on. I want to stop committing to things that I really don't want to do.

3. HUMANS!!!
I love people, but simply haven't had the time and energy for deep, rich, meaningful human relationships in the last few months, with both family and friends. This seriously needs to change. People are everything to me. So, to everyone who feels like I have been out of their loop for a while -- I'm sorry! I'll be rejoining your loop soon! Keep the loop open! I love your loops! Loops all over the place! Hooray for loops!

4. Appreciate EVERYTHING.
Life is so short and unpredictable. So many family illnesses and health issues have been branding this fact into my conscience lately. It's so important to appreciate, fully, every little joy I can find. That's actually supposed to be the whole point of this Jackpot blog -- recording all my little Jackpot moments, all those times that I can't help but smile at silly little things which make strange impacts on me. Like Crazy Tea. Or wildlife in Target. I need to try to appreciate the wildlife in my wild life.

...Whew, OK, sentimentality crap out of the way, now.

So, I decided to rearrange some furniture in my apartment the other day. Two things to say about that: Dust, and Cat. I don't know what the deal is with dust. Where does it come from? Where does it go? What the holy hell is it? And how the holy hell does it get in the strangest places? But there was certainly enough of it flying around my place. And my Kitty -- wow, she was completely freaked out, it was great! She was all nervous because I started cleaning the night before, and then on Friday my mom came over to help me move furniture and vacuum and stuff, and the cat was FREAKED! If my mom started vacuuming my living room, she'd run into my bedroom, but I'd be moving furniture so she'd run into the kitchen, but the kitchen (being the room connecting my living room and bedroom) was stuffed with crap so she couldn't really get comfy in there. I kinda felt bad for her, but it was pretty entertaining.

Oh, and to clarify: I moved out 2 1/2 years ago, when I was seventeen, and this is the first time my mom has come to really help me clean, this isn't like a weekly thing. She has this week off of work (she works in a school system) and volunteered to help me because she knows that, left to my own devices, my self-motivation would burn out in about and hour and nothing would get finished. I come from a long-line of Super-Cleaners. My mom's mom mops her kitchen floor like every day. She came to my second apartment after I'd been living there for only a few weeks, and starts scrutinizing the place. She was opening my cabinets, looking under my couch, then she opens my oven and asks why it hasn't been cleaned yet. I hadn't even used it yet!

Another reason to hate "pink" (the color)

2006-12-26T23:45:00.000-05:00

Everyone who knows me knows that I love red. Bright fire-engine red, thick blood-red, deep and mezmerizing wine-red, that stuff is awesome. It's interesting that I so strongly hate the color pink, it being so close to red. There is a very fine but definite line of love/hatred between the two colors. One moment, I'm still loving it because it's red, but then you get just a teensy bit too light and bam it's pink and I have turned away in disgust. Pink sickens me. I have no use for pink.

Well, I have now found yet another reason to loathe "pink." As is painfully obvious from my blog, my life is ridiculous and absurd and I simply cannot catch a break. So, in keeping with the roll I've been on the past few weeks (pulled over for registration, sick with fever during finals, car broken down, now sick with cold for Holidays,)
. . . I got pink eye on Christmas Eve. Yes, Christmas Eve, when every doctor and pharmacy in the world is closed for two days. So, I suffered through two full days of untreated pink eye, including a sleepless eight-hour overnight shift at work last night. I called my doctor's office about two hundred times this morning until they finally picked up and called in a prescription for some eye drops. These are the BEST EYE DROPS EVER!!! MY NEW HERO: EYE DROPS!!!

Anyway, since I was all goopy and contagious yesterday when celebrating xmas with the family, I couldn't play with all my cute (but screaming) little cousins, so instead, I got to play with my aunt and uncle's awesome Weimeraner, Arnold. Oh my sweet holy adorable crap, this is the cutest dog EVER! He's so sweet and gentle, and he's incredibly cuddly for a giant full-grown dog. He would just sit in front of me, lean into me, I pet his ears or his head or scratch him under his collar, and he just melts, it's so cute!
WHAT? AWESOME DOG-LOVE TO REPLACE COUSIN-LOVE?!? JACKPOT!!!

One thing after another, this is unreal, I think God is trying to make a statement or something.

2006-12-20T20:33:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it, this is unreal. My life ... is unreal.
I think God is trying to tell me something.

I'm driving to work today, everything is fine. I had just finished my honors thesis, which was giving me constant anxiety, and I finished all of my finals (except for one paper, which i am "doing research for" right now) so I've been feeling pretty good today. Then, all of a sudden, out of the clear blue sky of my dashboard, my temperature gauge shot up to the red part.

Now, red is my favorite color, true, and i like everything red. But "red" on the temperature gauge is bad bad bad. So i pulled over and popped my hood. There's antifreeze spazzing out all over, dripping onto the pavement, at this point I can tell that my car is clearly in pain. So I called the men in my life -- two of my jiu jitsu friends, Chris (my instructor) and Steve.

What? Jiu Jitsu friends that always have my back? JACKPOT! (Hahaha, that's acutally a funny jiu jitsu joke, but i guess you have to know jiu jitsu to get it. Well, too bad, because i'm enjoying the joke, so it's staying.)

I cannot even tell you how grateful I am to have such awesome buddies. They dropped what they were doing and drove all the way out to me, to poke around in my car and bring my poor, poor overheated radiator some cold water. Awesome. My heroes.

But, we still have the issue that I have a broken-down ve-hicle, and no way to get to work. So, I called my mom, who picked me up in her car when she got out of work. I dropped her off at her house, then drove the hour out to work. Great. So now I'm once again stuck driving her huge Subaru, which, by the way, is like trying to drive a barge on the road. And who knows how much this repair is going to cost!?!? If it's just a temperature gauge, maybe not that bad. But if it's a new water pump (and knowning me and my luck, it's gonna be a freakin water pump) that could do some damage to the bank account, damage I cannot handle right now.

Anyway, the moral of this story is, never get too comfortable. Never take balance for granted. As soon as you solve one problem, get ready for the next one, because it's coming!!! You get everything figured out at the DMV, you get your registration fixed, you get your thesis done, get your exams done, and then BAM your temperature needle goes red. Bad times.
Never get too comfortable.

Almost too awful to be true

2006-12-11T14:23:00.000-05:00

So, i'll just jump right into this one, ok?
I'm driving home from church yesterday morning, and a cop pulled me over. First time I've ever been pulled over, so I'm freaking out. I'm not speeding or anything, so I have no idea what's going on. Here's a little re-cap of our conversation through my window:

Cop lady: "Miss, this vehicle is not registered."
Innocent didn't-do-anything-wrong-Me: "Excuse me? There must be some mistake, I just bought this car in November '05, here's my registration."
Cop lady: "Well, that registration expired in January '06."
Me: [astounded silence, mouth hanging open.]
Cop lady: "I can't let you drive this car home, it's illegal to be on the road. You'll have to park it here until you renew the registration. Otherwise your car will be impounded."
Me: [continued, astounded silence.]
Cop lady: "You didn't get any new stickers or anything from the DMV in the mail?"
Me: ".........no......."
Cop lady: "OK, you need to call someone to come pick you up now, and leave your car in this parking lot. I'll wait."

So, I called my mom, who is very sick by the way, and she drove 30 minutes from her home to pick me up. I'm currently paying for a rental car for her, and driving around her crappy Subaru. I got home and started rifling through old mail crap, and I found a letter I got last January from the DMV. It does NOT say that my registration has expired, instead, it says that I need to get my emissions tested before they send my new registration tags.

So, why, do you think, didn't I go get my emission tested when i got that letter last january? Well, at the bottom of that letter is all the info about my car, and in that section there' a box that says "expiration date: 1/28/08" -- so, I figured I had until 2008 to get it done! I had thought to myself, "oh look, I just got this car and the DMV sent me a thing telling me i had two years to get my emissions tested. that's nice." But no, my dad says that the "expiration date" i'm looking at is acutally when the new registration (which I don't have) will expire.

So now, we're in a catch-22. Three facts about this situation:
1. I can't drive my car until it is registered.
2. I can't register my car until I get my emissions tested.
3. I can't get my emissions tested by simply wishing my car into an emissions testing facility. it needs to be driven there. CRAP!!!!!

Knowing me and my awful luck, the second i so much as turn my key in the ignition to drive the car to get the emissions tested to get it registered, a cop will be right there, my car will be impounded, I'll get upset and end up getting arrested or thrown into a loony bin, I'll miss work and get fired, I'll miss school and flunk out, and I'll end up a miserable, homeless bum on the streets for the rest of my life, forever ranting and raving insanely about emissions and registration.

On a serious note, this really is the worst thing that could happen right now. This is my last week of classes in the toughest semester I've ever had, so I have a million papers due, finals to study for, reseach to do ..... having this on my plate is really stressing me out in a bad way. There's no Jackpot here this time, sorry.

Crazy Tea

2006-11-27T15:19:00.000-05:00

So, the other night (or very very early morning, I'm not sure) my cat decided to try to jump across my face as I was sleeping peacefully. Well, she landed on my face. Now i have a little scratch on my nose. Thank you very much, cat.

A while ago, I was cleaning out the cabinets of my apartment when I stumbled upon a box of tea that had been sitting there for ... God only knows how long. I mean, I've been in this apartment for two years, and cannot remember getting this tea. Anyway, it's a box of apple-cinnamon spice tea. And after being stored for so long, it's almost fermented or something. What?! Crazy tea?!? JACKPOT!!! It's PUNGENT! That spice really kicks, now! I opened the box just to see if there was any tea left, and it was like getting kicked in the face! I staggered backwards and bumped into my fridge. That's some powerful tea. So i decide to make myself a cup of this super-human-tea.
I grab my nice little teapot, and pull out a mug from my cabinet. I filled the mug with tap water and went to pour it into the teapot (If i don't measure it out, I always underestimate, and then get all disappointed and frustrated.) So, I'm pouring, right? Apparently, this mug doesn't like to pour, because the water runs down the side of the mug, gets all over the counter and the outside of the teapot, I jerked my hand away - which only made it worse. Now i have water all over my counter, and because my apartment is very old and has "character" my counter tops are not exactly what you'd call "level" and so the water is spilling onto my kitchen floor.
Well, this is easy enough, right? Get some paper towel, soak it up, it's only a mug-full of water. But you know, once something is spilled or dropped, it like goes rogue and multiplies and suddenly there's waaaaay more than you started with? Yeah, about that. So i run for the paper towels, right, but here's the problem: I don't have any. At some point, I can picture myself using the last piece of papertowel, (probably in a very similar situation) and thinking to myself, "Dude, I need more papertowel." And that's probably the last time I thought about it, until now, in my tea-water emergency situation.
So, you ask, what did I do?
I let it sit there. For two days, I ignored the puddle in my kitchen, and walked around it. Now, it's either evaporated, or soaked into the floor, or maybe the cat licked it all up.
We will never know.

Deer in TARGET!

2006-11-14T10:07:00.000-05:00

Oh man, has anyone else seen this?
My sister is a designer for Target, and the offices tend to circulate a bunch of weird emails, which she often forwards to me. Well, I got this one the other day. Simply Awesome! You MUST click on the link below! Now!
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061108/NEWS/311080012
Apparently, an 8-point deer ran through the automatic doors of a Super Target in DesMoines! He was running around in there for about 20 minutes! Holy awesome crap!

What? Funny animals in silly places they don't belong?! Jackpot!!!

Can you imagine a deer prancing (or slipping?) around the clothing racks of your nearest Target? Oh, that brings such joy to my heart. The best thing is that the article has pictures of this whole escapade from the security cameras. I love it. Stuff like that makes me so happy that I'm almost tired. Like, I could go for a good nap right now. Awesome.

I learned a lesson today.

2006-11-07T23:44:00.000-05:00

I had a ten-page research paper due this morning at 9:30. So, of course, I didn't start a single iota of work on it until last night. I sat down at my laptop and wrote the whole excruciating thing, then went to print and, ooops, my printer was uninstalled and I couldn't fix it. So i'm sitting there at like midnight staring at this masterpiece of a last-minute-paper on my screen, and I realize that I, A) cannot print it, B)have no floppy disk on which to save it and print from another computer, and C) do not even have the internet, so i couldn't even email it to myself or anything. I was kind of frozen in time. Or, more accurately, in shock.
So i went to my friend Jess's apartment at some horrible i-dont-even-want-to-know morning hour, armed with my laptop. I re-typed the whole miserable thing (yeah, the development of evolutionary theory from ancient greek philosophy to darwin, loads of fun) and, since she also doesn't have a printer, emailed it to myself so i could go waste money printing it at school (ten cents a page?!?!?! Don't they bleed us enough on tuition?!?) So, yes, it was fun. And I learned a lesson.

But, while I was slaving over this paper for the second time in a six-hour period, I was blessed with the presence of, you guessed it, kitties.
What? KITTIES?! JACKPOT!!!
Jess has two kitties, one older and one really really little and cute and fuzzy. (In fact, we call her "fuzz ball" -- as far as i know, that's her real name.) The kitties were chasing each other around Jess's apartment, jumping on the desk, playing with my hair, it was great. Animals are so healing. The kitties healed me of my anguish, almost.
I once got to sit on the grass and play with a bull mastif puppy for twenty minutes, it was the greatest thing ever. And in the office underneath my jiu jitsu school, there's a little golden retriever puppy named Ruby who will come bounding out the door to meet me every time she hears me coming down the stairs after class. She gets so excited that her body gets all wiggly, she'll roll onto her back so i can rub her belly, but then she just gets so worked up and excited that she jumps up and licks my face until i practically drown. I love it!!!

Ok, by the way, something that belongs to Jess, is it " Jess' " or "Jess's " or what???? When i journal, I always end with "In Jesus's name" but i'm afraid that I'm spelling it wrong. I don't want to offend Him. Although i suppose that my spelling errors shouldn't be of as much concern as, say, all my sins. :)

And, back onto kitty names, this is the evolution of my cat's name. Her real, official name is "Isabelle" but I'm pretty sure i've never acutally called her that. She's "kitty" when she's behaving well, and "cat" when she's being naughty. And my family has this weird thing where we call all animals "Peter" -- my sister started it when she spontaneously names all the random deer in my parent's backyard Peter one night a few years ago. So any deer, squirrel, dog, cat, lizard, etc. is Peter. So, naturally, my cat has been called Peter a number of times. Lately, I've been putting a little accent to it, so the "r" isn't pronounced. This turned her name into "Pita." And this recently evolved into "Falafel." I guess I might be a little obsessed with food??? :)

"What?! Jackpot!!"

2006-11-06T09:46:00.000-05:00

There is a comedian, Dane Cook, who does a hilarious bit that he calls "the nothing fight," about couples that seem to hate each other and the silly, ridiculous fights they get in. He tells a story of how he was once in a grocery store when he heard a nothing fight starting a few aisles over. So he gets all excited, and acutally leaves his grocery cart to go watch. This is a meagin-rendering of the next part of this bit:

"I'm so excited, I acutally leave my grocery cart! You never leave your cart! God forbid, somebody walks into the store and wants exactly that crap! They'd be like, 'What?! Jackpot!!! This is everything i wanted!'"

You really need to hear it to truly, fully appreciate it. I've been inspired by this. I find myself walking around, saying "jackpot!" all the time. It brings me joy.
My jiu jitsu instructor, Chris, was fixing my laptop (because he's an amazing super genious) and, knowing how much love i feel for that bit, he actually downloaded a sound bit, so that the noise my computer makes when i start it up is, you guessed it, "What?! Jackpot!!" I love it.

Anyway, I am so busy and overwhelmed with, well life, that I need little things to make me happy. Little things, like Jackpot, bring a quick smile, no matter what modd i'm in, how tired i am, how stressed out i am, or how many dozens of pages this research paper needs to be. So, my new little blog, ideally, will be filled with little things that bring me joy. Hence, Jackpot.